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We've been expecting you...



future client

Since I already know so much about you, it is fair that you know a little about me. My name is Benezraldo. I was born onstage during a performance of the Greek tragedy Prometheus Bound; there was a standing ovation. Though I escaped the theatre and my family, I was never able to escape the applause. Until the age of 5 I was raised by a pair of wild pumas. In my 6th year, my human foster mother accidentally stuck a wet battery into my ear, causing the neurons in my brain to become hyperaroused. I gained an extraordinary awareness of pre-, pro-, and post-reality. Fortunately for you, I use my powers strictly for good, providing psychic readings for only a modest fee.


Lately my services have been difficult to administer due to the demands of social distancing. In February 2021 I began to offer free remote demonstrations of some of my more casual services, including palm readings, tea leaf interpretations, and dream critiques. Below, you can peruse the submissions and witness my awesome talents.

I assure you, you will be amazed.

Contact Benezraldo

It's not too late! The Great Benezraldo has not been discovered by Las Vegas scouts yet, and thus, submissions are still open. You still have time... but who knows for how long? Only Benezraldo knows.

Thanks for submitting!

I knew you would.

Upload palm or tea photo
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