Shigeru Manheim-etc.: Life Forecast

My dear Shigeru,

Ah yes, thank you for the pictures of your palm and tea leaves. The picture of your mug was also useful, as I was able to glean additional insight via your phantasmal tendril prints.

I see both your Sun and cosmic-finance lines are furrowed. This implies there is a communication you have been ignoring, and you are unaware of how greatly it hangs on your soul-conscious. Have you perhaps been not responding to every single meow from your two feline roommates? Their stature may be small but their paws are mighty: cats are actually able to knead knots out of the yarn of destiny. If you would like your yarn to be kept ungarbled, please respond enthusiastically when they speak to you.

There is more. Your Fire, Earth, Water, and Air Callouses seem misaligned. The condition is not dire, but if not reharmonized, it means this: when the day comes that you must box a puffin (and that day will come) you are going to lose. Fortunately, I have just received my license to practice acupoking, which I can perform over Zoom. I would be glad to treat your callouses in a quick, nine-hour online session for the low price of $40,000. Of course, you may not have that amount on hand; I will also accept 15 payments of $4,000, if that will help you afford this very advisable procedure.

When you are making bacon not war, please make some for me,

Benezraldo