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B&J Bits Baby Blessings

Kissng the Newborn
Baby design.png

Hey, goo goo guys and ga ga girls!

Welcome to B&J’s newest contribution to the common good!


Did you ever think about the quality of kisses you received as a baby? Did you know that there is a direct correlation between those kisses and your overall happiness and likeability? It might be too late for you, but it’s not too late for your baby. Don’t waste your money on peewee aviators and leather diapers. B&J Bits has come up with an affordable solution to your little one’s long-term confidence. 


The B&J Baby Blessing is a customizable, kinesthetic enrichment experience for babies of all temperaments and temperatures. We have spent the past two years training in the mountains of Ottawa, mastering the world’s most ancient and powerful baby-kissing traditions. Prior to that, we studied under Dr. Borg Baldsvald in Stockholm for two years, practicing her modern techniques that emphasize thermodynamic cognitivity. Before that, we apprenticed for two years in ( place?), the birthplace of kissupucture. With the vast knowledge and experience at our disposal, we have learned how to unblock babies’ repressed intellect, and lay the foundations for a healthy, worthwhile existence.


Even one B&J kiss can make a profound difference in your child’s life. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that babies who receive the B&J blessing will grow up to be more financially and emotionally stable than the 10th doctor, who didn’t receive our kisses and also punches the elderly.


Here are some of the potential benefits of honoring your baby with our reasonably-priced, life-saving service:

  • Proficiency in one or more standard party tricks

  • Higher pain threshold

  • More genuine laugh

  • More bubbly and/or bouncing demeanor

  • Less backtalk

  • More high-fiveable hands


Use the tool below to register for a B&J baby blessing. Select a date, time, and the type of service you would like us to bestow upon your baby. We are currently in negotiations to perform our blessings at the Taj Mahal in India; until that contract is signed, all services will be conducted at our house.


If your baby grows up to be a standup comedian, your money back — guaranteed!


Disclaimer: Because babies are icky and always covered in some kind of goo, we will be using protective gear when performing the B&J blessing.

Baby Blessing Appointments
12:00 AM
Choose your desired Baby Blessings:

Wash your baby and get ready!

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