Cat Burgoon: Life Forecast

My dear Cat Burgoon,

I confess, reading your pawlm requires no special talent. Even those endowed merely with first sight could see how deep and hairy your fame crinkle runs. It is breathtaking to behold. Clearly you are destined to be idolized by domestic mammals of every foot-quantity. Your image will be displayed in galleries all over the world. Everywhere you go you will stay in the finest cat hotels, visit the most renowned cat cafes. Capturing your grace will be the goal of poets. Historians will make Instagrams of you. Neither will do you justice, but they will try. Your beauty will haunt the dreams of sailors. Allow me to say, Madame Burgoon, that reading your exquisite paw is an honor that I will forever hold dear. However, I see there will be sorrow in your future as well. Try as you might, you will never learn to speak any human language. This will not diminish the love in your life, but it means you’ll never be able to let your admirers know when they have food in their teeth.

From the directions that your luscious fur protrudes past your toe beans, I can tell that someday in the future, despite your delicate demeanor, you will subdue and kill a home intruder. They will be disguised as a friendly, harmless clown with a katana. If you do not handle the body appropriately, your owner will be blamed for this death.

Worry not. Call me when the time comes, I will walk you through the disposal,

Benezraldo