Yoshi Gandhi: Life Forecast

My dear Yoshi,

You describe your circumstances in great, heartrending detail… Of course, I am able to discern all these details and more from a single glance at your tea leaf pattern. While I typically do not agree with Western medicine and its definition of “vitamins,” in this instance my good friend Dr. Gupta is onto something; the leaves tell me he will soon discover a cure for your inner-face fungus.

Yoshi, consider this: are not all things in this world of ambiguous Asian origin? Until you are able to realize the truth of that notion, you will always be lost, stampeding mindlessly upon your Peloton.

I foresee two paths for you, Yoshi. On one path, you subscribe to my video series, 7-Minute Psyperawareness. It costs only $12.99/week and is streaming exclusively on Cuban Netflix (so you may need to download a VPN). It will change your life. On the other path, you do not subscribe, and your wife chokes on a misplaced iPad. These things may or may not be related.

In the meantime, it is dangerous for young children to spend so much time at home with an ailing parent during this time of rampant public illness. I have issued a subconscious alert to the Social Services department in your area. They will be coming to collect your children within the week.

Cheers,

Benezraldo