As seen on TV eventually, Jessica Smells™ candles represent the future of luxury. Once enjoyed only by queens of foreign lands, they are now available to the average ten-dollar-having consumer.
These candles are locally crafted by some wonderful people whose services are very expensive. By purchasing one of these candles, you are helping us pay off the immense debt we owe to our candle manufacturer. Please buy one.
Jessica Smells™ Elbow candle
Jessica Smells™ candles are made of 100% real Jessica (and also soy). Our odor surgeons extracted Jessica's entire funny bone to distill this extraordinary scent. The procedure left her completely unable to tell good jokes. If you see her, please do not draw attention to her condition.
Scent: Love Spell
Dr. Felix, if you're reading this, we will have the money soon. Please give us more time.