As seen on TV eventually, Jessica Smells™ candles represent the future of luxury. Once enjoyed only by queens of foreign lands, they are now available to the average ten-dollar-having consumer.
These candles are locally crafted by some wonderful people whose services are very expensive. By purchasing one of these candles, you are helping us pay off the immense debt we owe to our candle manufacturer. Please buy one.
Jessica Smells™ Baby Teeth candle
Jessica Smells™ candles are made of 100% real Jessica (and also soy). Jessica tracked down the Tooth Fairy to her lair, beat the daylights out of her, and took back her baby teeth—all so you could enjoy their treasured aroma. Proceeds will cover the legal fees for Jessica's assault trial.
Scent: Cucumber Melon
Mr. Bittner, if you're reading this, we will have the money soon. Please give us more time.