As seen on TV eventually, Jessica Smells™ candles represent the future of luxury. Once enjoyed only by queens of foreign lands, they are now available to the average ten-dollar-having consumer.
These candles are locally crafted by some wonderful people whose services are very expensive. By purchasing one of these candles, you are helping us pay off the immense debt we owe to our candle manufacturer. Please buy one.
Jessica Smells™ Bone Marrow candle
Jessica Smells™ candles are made of 100% real Jessica (and also soy). Extracted by Wyoming's foremost cosmetic surgeon, Jessica's Bone Marrow is the only candle to ever be crafted as an experimental cancer treatment. It did nothing for the cancer, but did wonders for the atmosphere.
Scent: Blueberry Vanilla
Dr. Krakowski, if you're reading this, we will have the money soon. Please give us more time.